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Former serviceman Serhii* has one major red flag he’s looking out for in potential girlfriends at a blind dating event in the heart of Kyiv.
“The main thing is that my partner does not listen to or consume Russian content,” Serhii said.
Five minutes. That’s how much time each man and woman have to get acquainted at the event. Then a bell rings, signaling it’s time to switch partners.
Serhii is one of 50 participants who are all here hoping to find their match. “Language is important, as are political preferences. It's unusual to be in such an atmosphere: people laugh, communicate, and it's amazing,” he went on.
People like him – and even veterans with amputations – are frequent guests at speed dating events just now.
After the start of the full-scale invasion by Russia into Ukraine, approaches to dating and choosing partners have changed.
Veterans' injuries or amputations are not seen as barriers to relationships. Instead, patriotism, readiness to contribute to Ukrainian victory, the use of the Ukrainian language, and the rejection of Russian culture – these have become more decisive dating attributes.
The new season of TV dating show The Bachelor, where the main character is a soldier with two amputations, have meant these changes have received massive coverage in the Ukrainian media lately. The shifting dating landscape has not only transformed the perception of relationships in Ukraine, it also highlights the changing values in society.
There are about 50,000 people with amputations in Ukraine. For context, during all of World War I, approximately 67,000 Germans and 41,000 Britons underwent amputation because it was often the only way to save their lives.
This is Serhii’s first speed dating event. Previously, he tried Tinder, but he prefers live communication. During the evening, he liked a few women – and got the phone numbers of some he plans to keep talking to.
The format is very popular among Ukrainians. Alisa Samusieva has been organizing speed dating events for over 12 years. During the full-scale invasion, the demand for speed dating has only increased. It is particularly useful for servicemen who, due to their military service, don’t have as much time to search for love.
Alisa and her company organize two speed dating events per week. Usually, around 50 people attend each event. Most of the five minute meetings don’t end in romance – but quite a few do. Alisa occasionally receives thank-you messages, and even wedding invitations from happy couples who met at her events.
Alisa says that these days, up to three veterans attend each event. One of them was a 38-year-old serviceman with the surname Chuikov, who lost his left leg in the war. The prosthetic didn’t scare the women at all, and he received the most matches.
Military journalist Svitlana Kyrhan, who recently tried to find love on Ukraine’s most popular dating show, said that a military background is a must for her.
“I wouldn’t be able to build a relationship with someone who is disconnected from the military. We wouldn’t understand each other. No matter how close they were to the military or what civil position they held, if they hadn’t gone through this path, they couldn’t have been mentally close to me,” Svitlana said.
Svitlana was a participant in the new season of the reality show The Bachelor, where the main male contestant is a military man with amputations of both legs.
His name is Oleksandr Budko.
This season of the show has become a true sensation. The project aimed to showcase relationships with military personnel, particularly with veterans with disabilities.
Oleksandr Budko is a charismatic veteran with blue eyes, tattoos, and a black motorcycle. A former platoon commander of the 49th Infantry Battalion, known as the ‘Carpathian Sich,’ he lost both legs in August 2022 due to a missile strike in the Kharkiv region.
Despite his injury, Budko actively advocates for the rights of people with disabilities. He published his memoirs, ‘The Story of a Stubborn Man,’ and won a bronze medal in swimming at the Invictus Games, an international sports competition for injured veterans.
During the games, producers from the show ‘The Bachelor’ approached him, initially as a joke, but later seriously, offering him the role of the main character for the new season.
And it has worked, Budko gained incredible popularity. Proof of this is the record number of applications submitted by girls to be on the next series of the Ukrainian ‘Bachelor.’
Svitlana thought she knew where she was going in life and love. She had already been married. Her husband had been fighting since 2014 and continued after the start of the full-scale war. However, in 2022, he was killed.
Svitlana managed to survive the grief of the loss, and she wanted to find love again. On the Ukrainian version of ‘The Bachelor,’ she felt a connection with Oleksandr.
“I thought we might have a lot in common and a story could develop,” Svitlana said.
But that was not to be, and she left the show in the third round. While some people have said that the dating show ‘The Bachelor’ was inappropriate during wartime, Svitlana disagrees.
“Oleksandr is a man who has been to war, and now his goal is to popularise the image of veterans in society. In particular, veterans are also ordinary people who want to love and find love. Veterans come back to Ukraine, often without limbs, so this year's Bachelor was in line with the challenge society faced,” Svitlana said.
At the same time, Svitlana felt that the show wasn’t completely realistic. On screen, Oleksandr is always wearing prostheses and is cheerful, but people with disabilities are more likely to get tired and need to understand what a partner is waiting for in real life.
“I missed the messages of some kind of routine: veterans without limbs often move around in a wheelchair, and this is something that needs to be understood.”
After completing her time in the show, Svitlana told The Counteroffensive that she found a partner. She reveals he is a military man, but keeps the rest a secret.
The Ukrainian version of The Bachelor ended last week. Oleksandr also found a partner: he chose a volunteer: Inna from Kharkiv.
She’s not the only one to fall in love with a veteran.
Sofia Neofitova met Vasyl Ishchenko in December 2020, when he was undergoing rehabilitation after a serious injury on the front lines.
Vasyl had been fighting in eastern Ukraine since 2019, when Russia first attacked Eastern Ukraine.In March 2020, a missile hit the truck that Vasyl was riding in. There were nine people in the truck, and two of his comrades died. Vasyl sustained a severe injury.
Most of Vasyl’s right leg was amputated, his arm was reattached, and he has a scar across his entire face. He is completely deaf in one ear and almost deaf in the other.
At the time, Sofia was a photographer, and she came across a photo of Vasyl with a garland on his prosthetic leg, and became determined to meet him
Sofia never saw Vasyl's prosthetic leg as a barrier. Together for four years, Sofia takes their mutual problems in stride, even managing tasks like carrying heavy bags alone.
“But that’s just what you do when your boyfriend is going somewhere. Nothing fundamentally different happens,” said Sofia, jokingly adding, “The only problem is stepping over Vasyl’s prosthetic at night.”
As long as the war is on, all methods of finding love are valid, and speed dating might be the best option.
In Kyiv, there are more and more public advertisements like the one below saying that it's hard to fall in love when you're going to the front tomorrow. But if not now, when?
*Serhii's last name cannot be disclosed for security reasons
Correction: The Counteroffensive made an error in the original version of the post.
We wrote that the number of people with amputations during the full-scale war in Ukraine and World War I is the same, but in fact, during World War I, about 67,000 Germans and 41,000 British people had amputations.
We apologize for the error.
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DOG OF WAR:
Today’s dog of war is a puppy wearing a vest on the train to Dnipro.
Stay safe out there.
Best,
Mariana